To Lose & To Find Oneself in Love
A dear friend of mine inquired about one of the quotes included in the ‘About’ section of my website that reads – “We lose ourselves in the things we love, we find ourselves there too”. He asked what this quote really means– and, more importantly, what it really means to to me.
It’s funny how sometimes something speaks to us, but we never really question why or dig deeper to discover the true meaning behind it until provoked to do so. I am forever grateful for having people in my life who continuously challenge me to be introspective, to look within, and constantly be asking the hard questions and doing the inner work.
In asking myself what this quote meant to me and formulating a palatable answer to share with this particular friend, I ended up writing the following, and thought it was worth sharing. I hope you can find your own meaning between the lines of my in-depth depiction, or perhaps simply discover some meaningful insight.
Without further ado, here is my interpretation of “We lose ourselves in the things we love, we find ourselves there too”…
I think love can become all-consuming – whether that’s love of a person, place, or thing. We can love something or someone to such an extent that it pulls us away from reality. If this pull is transient, and creates a place of solace and fulfillment it can be beautiful, but the pull can also become so strong that we become completely engulfed by our immersion in that relationship or endeavor. For me, I’ve experienced this ‘loss of self’ in relationships, in fitness and in food – where my passion has turned into addiction and resulted in self-abandonment and self-destructive patterns. In contrast, however, I truly believe that if it weren’t for this loss of self in allowing these things to pull me to various extremes, I would not have learned how to participate in any of them such that I was able to find that place where love originates from love of self, and that love of self can then be extended outwards. If it weren’t for ‘losing myself’ in these things, I don’t think I would have discovered the difference between codependency and healthy attachment, nor would I have found the balance I now have with fitness and prioritizing HEALTH over physicality. I also would not have the level of respect and admiration for my body that I do now, nor would I have created the awareness I have revolving my relationship with food (which is in stark contrast to what it was for many years).
So, ultimately, I think various forms of love require us to become lost for a while. Sadly, some people remain in that state. In contrast, those who build up walls and prevent themselves from falling deeply in love and going all in on their passions may not experience ‘losing themselves’, but they also tend to remain closed – not only to love, but to discovering their own identity. There’s another quote that says “you’ll never lose being the one who loves the most”…I think that’s false – I think you do lose; you lose bits and pieces of yourself when you go all-in on anything. You sacrifice parts of you. But, in turn, you make room for all of the parts you have yet to discover. And, if you develop a sense of awareness that you are leaving behind parts of you (for better or for worse), you will forever be on the path of growth and self-discovery.
I think if you can forge your way through the chaos, uncertainty and the many struggles that coincide with feeling ‘lost’ in something or someone, you give yourself the opportunity to discover what real, true, honest, healthy love and connection means. I think that, just as life is a series of ebbs and flows, it’s also a series of loss and discovery. Most times we feel the most defeated during the times we feel lost, but it’s during those times that we learn the most about who we truly are…
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Thank you for joining me today.
A reminder to take a deep breath and to affirm:
I am Resilient. I am Authentic. I am Worthy. I am Enough.
Much love,
From my Big Little Soul to yours
❤