An Outcry From An Outraged Soul

“A sure sign that the soul is awake, is that it is outraged” - Francis Weller

 
I first heard this quote on a Mark Groves podcast, then recently it arose in my Instagram search feed, and in a final call from the Universe for attention to this powerful statement, it came to me for a third time in a dream.  
 
Outrage. Anger. Frustration. 
These are emotions that have been more or less foreign entities to me until recently.
By foreign I don’t mean I’ve never experienced them (I am, after all a human being, and with that comes the beautiful actuality that my mind, body and soul will give rise to all of these emotions and many more over the course of my existence on this Earth). To denote these as ‘foreign’, I mean more so in my lack of recognition, expression and embodiment of them in their entirety.  
 
Anger has, over the course of history and through development of societal ‘norms’, social conditioning and constructs of human emotionality, become a largely demonized emotion. It falls right in the same ‘negative’ category as sadness, fear, loneliness and a laundry-list of other emotions we as a collective have deemed to be ‘bad’. Thus, this anger, outrage, frustration and the rest become suppressed and disregarded. We fail to acknowledge them as normal parts of the human experience. We don’t claim them as our own. We shove them away, bottle them up, numb them, and even cover them up with toxic positivity and falsely projected ‘good’ emotions. In doing so, we sacrifice our ability to hold space for these emotions and work through them in healthy, constructive ways. Through our avoidance of allowing these emotions to be felt, heard and seen, we rob ourselves of the lessons we have to learn in embracing them for what they are.  
 
The way I see it, emotions themselves are neither ‘good’ nor ‘bad’. I would say that the very essence of feeling emotions, regardless of what they may be, is a pretty gosh darn good thing – a reminder that we are living, breathing, sensual souls. It’s a wonderful thing to feel deeply – whether that’s sadness or happiness, courage or fear, anger or peace. We should allow ourselves to feel every one of these deeply, and to do so without guilt, shame or remorse. Where the good vs. bad, positive vs. negative, healthy vs. unhealthy, constructive vs. destructive connotation and repercussions apply are in how we act on those feelings. We can choose to not act at all, to re-act, or to act on these emotions mindfully and responsibly. For example, we can simply be angry. We can take that one step further and choose to act out this anger through violence and reactivity - both of which will subsequently yield consequences along the ‘negative’ spectrum for ourselves and others, thus reinforcing anger as being a ‘bad’ emotional experience. In contrast, we can also choose to identify that we feel angry, to express that emotional recognition to another being or to simply give ourselves worthy credit for this recognition, to then define the root source of our anger and get curious as to what its more deeply integrated origin is. This conscious identification, observation and inquisition into  the emotion propagates ‘positive’ results. By responding instead of reacting, we encourage self-discovery, the acquisition of new skills and knowledge, and an improved level of self-awareness. I say this with great humility, and certainly not from a place where I regard myself as an expert in this healthy, wholesome and constructive expression of emotions, but rather as a student eager to continue to learn and grow through this process.  

Emotional curiosity has so much to offer. To become curious as to the true source of our emotions, the past trauma, personal experiences and societal conditioning that has shaped those emotions, and the ways in which we instinctively express them allows us to learn and evolve such that we become better individuals, and more readily able to navigate the many challenges we will face in our relationships.  

I think there’s also something to be said for healthy mitigation of emotions. Mitigation NOT meaning dismissal, but rather a reduction in the immensity of that emotion’s presence through identifying it, defining its source(s), getting curious about how it has played a role in past and present circumstances, and making a conscious effort to learn how to best work through scenarios when it shows up and how to do so with grace and love and also in the absence of shame. 

So, with that said, I am learning to surrender my preconceived biases, hang up my labeling of emotions as ‘good’ or ‘bad’ and abolish my aversion to experiencing certain emotions as a result of these. In traversing these new waters where I see all emotions as equal in their propensity to elicit expansion of self, I have found myself in a state of anger and frustration… 
 
There has been very much so a sense of overwhelm with regard to the multitude of factors and circumstances contributing to these emotions for me. So, I decided to take the time to define them and, in doing so, I experienced a deep sense of commonality, and an assuredness that I can’t be the only one experiencing this sense of unease and exasperation. 

 
So, why am I outraged you ask..? 
 

 
I am outraged that we, as young, vulnerable, highly malleable beings, were not taught SO many of the things I now identify as being such crucial components of awareness, and those that contribute to lifelong health, happiness and success. We go to school and spend countless hours, and YEARS of our lives learning algebra, trigonometry, the periodic table, how to write in cursive, how to read (or at the very least keep our eyes open) through an entire work of Shakespeare – something I’d probably have a much greater appreciation for now, but did not take much value from at the time. We study maps, people of power, chemical elements, and biological processes….and this is not to say each of these don’t contribute to a more well-rounded understanding (some much more so than others), but where did things like the healthy expression of emotions, the intricacies of relationships, the ins and outs of healthy communication skills, the importance of individuality, intuition, spirituality, mindfulness and so much more get lost…? Who decided it was ok to leave out things like holistic health, human psychology, and so many of the things that separate those who exist versus those who LIVE prosperous, enlightened lives…? We don’t even get a proper education on how many options we have from a post-secondary education perspective. We just get thrown this narrative of: 
 
Go to school, then go to more school and get a degree or title that may or may not interest and enliven more than a few cells in your body, then use that piece of paper/title to get a job, wake up every day and go to that job to make money for a person or corporation deemed of greater significance than you as an individual, go home, do a few things that help you unwind from the stresses induced by that job, go to bed and do it all over again. Oh, and we will also conveniently forget to mention that you’ll dedicate all of this time and effort into obtaining this said title and job, after which you will more than likely be underpaid and overworked for what you do… 

Is something ass-backwards here, or am I losing it…? 
 
 
Before I go on, I should mention that I feel very fortunate that my educational journey and my current day job did and do, indeed, enliven more than just a few cells in my body. I do love what I do, but it has taken me a long time to create a kind of ‘work-life balance’ for myself that I find sustainable. And, the more I carry on through this journey of life, the more I discover that the things that really make me feel ALIVE are the things I have discovered well beyond the educational and career path I chose, and far beyond the path societal norms and cultural conditioning ever imposed upon me. 
 
Moving on… 

Did I mention the education on relationships? Or the lack thereof? We add to this narrative of go-to-school-get-a-job-get-a-life, a highly misconstrued, unrealistic and unhealthy mentality and approach around how to find and uphold a relationship, somewhere along the lines of: 
 
Find someone who gives you a kinda-sorta feel-good sensation, you are at least somewhat physically and sexually attracted to (disregard emotional compatibility and true connection) – someone you think you could tolerate for the rest of your existence. Then, commit to spending the rest of your lives together so you can procreate and contribute to humanity (*note that this requires a ring and standing in front of a person, often a stranger, where you profess your ‘love’ and eternal commitment to one another and that this vow should only be broken by death of one or both parties*) 
 
I’ve probably triggered some emotional unrest in some of you at this point, and I can venture to guess some of you may be assuming I’m anti-marriage. I am, in fact, not in the slightest. I AM, however, very anti the belief that committing to spend your life with another person is a sentence to which you are not allowed to break, regardless of how detrimental it becomes to your physical, emotional and existential wellbeing. I am also very much so for developing an awareness that everlasting love and commitment do indeed require work, but they should also not elicit a feeling that you are settling, a constant questioning if you made the right choice, or an act of self-abandonment and sacrifice of your true wants and desires in order to uphold that bond. There is so much guilt elicited in the act of outgrowing a person or relationship. People are ostracized and shamed for cutting ties with people when there isn’t a specified character trait or relational flaw deemed ‘significant’ enough to justify not continuing to put the effort in to try to make things work.  This is perpetuated by toxic positivity (ex. disregarding ones feelings or the true complexity and implication of a situation that one is facing by deeming things as "just the way it is" or "part of life"), by downward comparisons (Ex. seeing yourself as better off than friends and family who have ‘worse’ issues in their relationships and thus justifying that you’re simply not being grateful for what you have and you should just try harder), and so much more. So, we find ourselves in a culture where marriages either fail, or are carried out ‘for the kids’, ‘for the vow’ and ‘until death do us part’ because we haven’t developed enough self-worth, self-trust, and the wherewithal to know the difference between when something requires more work versus when something is no longer meant to take up energy, effort and space in our lives.  
 
 
So yeah, you could say I’m a little outraged that our educational system is all sorts of f*cked up…but that’s not the only thing contributing to this overwhelming emotion… 

I am outraged that our planet is dying a slow death and, yet, efforts to make a tangible difference on this forefront seem few and far between in comparison to much less immensely profound relations. For goodness sake, you can stand in line at the grocery story and learn the ins and outs of the lives of every celebrity on the planet, but to learn about the delicacy and intricate workings of our planet itself? No, you’ve gotta do your own deep digging and research to figure that out. Goodness forbid that be common knowledge and that there be in-your-face incentives to get curious about these inextricably relevant issues.  

 
 
I am outraged that our medical system continues to treat symptoms rather than seeking to identify and eradicate the underlying cause(s) of those symptoms. We continue to use band-aid solutions through a heavy lean on the use of prescription drugs, invasive procedures and other erroneously unwarranted measures, while lifestyle changes and the healing powers found in proper nutrition, utilization of supplements, herbs and natural remedies, implementation of regular exercise, and various means of stress reduction and integration of mind-body-soul connection are all thrown by the wayside. The industry is, in itself, a business that thrives off of the physical and mental unwellness of individuals – something that is becoming terrifyingly more prevalent in society with each passing day. We open our phones for 5 minutes and are inundated with ads, people’s opinions, and, in our current world, incessant information about the virus, and yet we can’t, to the same (or even a slightly less overwhelming) degree, propagate knowledge of things like natural antioxidants, adaptogens, breath-work, meditation, and the profoundly positive effects that these and so many more readily-accessible products and practices can have on our everyday health..?  

I am outraged that we have witnessed time and time again how things like Tobacco, Cocaine, and Thalidomide have been perpetuated as seemingly harmless and even beneficial substances that have later been ‘found’ (I’m sure completely unbeknownst to the powers that be…) to be toxic and even lethal, and yet we still fail to effectively question the validity and safety of drugs, substances and additives to the products we use and consume on a regular basis. I am enraged that there was an actual Act passed which gave blanket immunity to vaccine companies such that they hold zero liability for any injuries induced by their products. I am furious that there have been studies done on “How to best persuade humans to take vaccines”, that an alarming amount of safety testing and clinical trials for vaccinations and a multitude of other ‘health’ products lack truly promising data and, more significantly, lack transparency in regard to these results. And I think what frustrates me most, is that society is quick to label you as a conspiracle kook for simply speaking up for what we, as consumers and living breathing beings have the right to know when it comes to what we subject our bodies and those of future generations to.  

I am outraged that it has taken a global pandemic to open people’s eyes (including my own) to such grandiose issues. I am even more outraged, that amidst this time in the world where we need to come together more than ever before, we are becoming divided based on fear, hostility, dissemination of persuasive and often wrongfully depicted information, one-sided opinions and, more so, an overwhelming majority that have held tight to an unwillingness to be wrong. We are quite literally plotting against one another when what we need, as individuals, as society, and as a global humanity, is to open our minds and our hearts and foster the power of unity.  

I will be the first to admit that I adopted some very one-sided opinions in the premature stages of these challenging times. I will wholeheartedly testify to my own innate desire to be right, and that I have held what I have previously known to be ‘true’ in high regard, and it’s been a very tumultuous task on many occasion to let go of those tendencies and surrender to unknowns and ever-changing thoughts, beliefs, opinions, and ‘facts’. But I stand here today no different than any one of you reading this, in that you and I are allowed to change our minds. I am allowed to shift my opinions and beliefs based on education and experience, and so are you! We should also be able to do so gracefully, holding space for ourselves and others to evolve at our own pace while we traverse the chaos and uncertainty of our world.  

With all of that said, holding space for the fact that I am not an all-knowing being, and that I do not profess to be any more educated or experienced than any other individual who has taken the time to step back, assess the situation as a whole, and simply ask some questions, I am outraged at the complacency of the collective. I am outraged that enterprises have been allowed to flourish while small businesses have all but been abolished, and with them the livelihoods of their compassionate and dedicated owners and creators. I am outraged that many ‘rules’ and regulations have been implemented with no rhyme or reason, and that the very act of questioning the narrative gets you labeled a ‘conspiracy theorist’ before you can even get a logical word in edgewise. Don’t get me wrong, there are indeed conspiracies that are about as far fetched as far fetched can be. With that said, I think it’s an incredibly sad testament to the cognitive state of society that we are demonizing and demoralizing those who dare to take a stand for our freedoms, for transparency, logic, and reasoning when it comes to the abolition of such things as social connection, justice and for the utter existence of our human rights. 

We need to be better – as individuals, as a society, as a collective whole.  
 
We need to give ourselves permission to feel. We need to embrace anger, fear and sadness with the same regard in which we glorify pleasure, courage and happiness. We need to stop labeling emotions and experiences as ‘good’ or ‘bad’, and instead learn how to address, embody and work through them in advantageous rather than destructive or oppressive ways.  
 
We need to get curious. We need to ask questions. We need to educate ourselves, educate others, and take a stand for more education and more relevant education.  
 
We need to start opening our eyes to the intimate connection we have with our surrounding world, and how the way we are living is impacting our Earth.  
 
We need to love our planet more. We need to love each other more.  
We also need to reassess how we define ‘love’ and healthy relationships.  
 
We need to put our health on a pedestal – before our bodies force us to do so.  
We need to emphasize the importance of holistic health and prioritize natural healing if and when possible prior to resorting to alternative measures. 
 
We need to stop glorifying people of power, ‘experts’ and ‘science’ and start recognizing that knowledge, experience and integrity go a long way, regardless of what ‘title’ precedes them.  
 
We need to be willing to be wrong, to receive constructive criticism and engage in healthy debates without being reactive keyboard warriors armed and ready to defeat any and all opinions that challenge our own.  
 
We need to speak up for what we believe, while being open to adopting new ‘truths’. 
 
We need to speak, act, and think with more compassion, humility and grace.  
 
We need to stand up for our rights, and do so while standing together. 

We need to be better. We need to do better. 
WE – as humans, on planet Earth, as ONE 
 
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As always, thank you for joining me today. 

With Love & Grace, 
 
From my Big Little Soul to Yours