2020 - The Freefall That Brought Me Back To Life

Does anyone else feel like this has been both the fastest and most drawn-out year in the history of…ever…?

I found myself wondering how on earth a 4 week ‘quarantine’ could feel like an eternity, or how a single month could feel like it encompassed entire seasons of life. But I also now find myself looking back on this same time last year and wondering how on earth so much happened in only 365 days…

I hardly recognize the person I was then, and it’s hard to fathom that everything which has unfolded between then and now has taken place in a mere year around the sun…

Maybe I’m just crazy, or perhaps some of you have also experienced this dissonance between perception and experience of time.

I’ve been blessed in life to have grown to appreciate the ‘little things’, but this year has further instilled in me the concept that happiness doesn’t have to be found in  grandiose adventures or achievements…

Happiness can be the full-body warmth elicited by the first sips of morning coffee 

Happiness can be gazing at the stars and appreciating the vastness of the Universe

Happiness can be solo dance parties in the kitchen and singing at the top of your lungs to your favorite songs 

Happiness can be lighting candles and sitting in silence

Happiness, for me, has come in many different forms this year. It has been fully embracing my creativity - writing until the wee hours of the morning and playing guitar until my fingers feel as though they’re going to fall off. It’s been early morning ‘Zoom’ coffee dates with my best gals and late night text conversations comprised of endless memes and GIFs. It has been disconnecting from society and allowing myself to take a full-body exhale in spending time in nature. It’s been singing, dancing, laughing, crying, and being one with myself, my emotions, and everything that lights my little soul on fire – unapologetically and without restraint. 


I’ve learned SO much about myself and what is really, truly important to me.

I’ve learned that giving my body grace sometimes means movement, and other times means rest – and that both are essential for my health and happiness.

I’ve learned that saying ‘no’ is not only my right, but a responsibility and devotion to my mental, physical and emotional wellbeing, and a way of showing myself love when I need it most. 

I’ve learned that walls keep people out while boundaries show people where the door is 

(Thank you Mark Groves!)

I’ve discovered the power of tuning into my intuition and most heart-felt desires, all while differentiating between transient wants and deep-rooted needs.

I’ve learned the true importance of patience, and the incredible difficulty yet immensely powerful nature behind surrendering control.

I’ve discovered the beauty in taking pause, in moments (sometimes hours) of intimate silence and the life-altering affects found in the simplicity of breath-work and meditation

I have begrudgingly (and I mean with total resistance of every cell in my body) attempted to learn first-hand the highly-touted benefits of cold exposure (…this is still very much so a work in progress…) *Takes a mental bow to Wim Hof*

I’ve learned the meaning of privilege, and how to better navigate circumstances with compassion, grace and empathy for others. 

I’ve learned that ‘science’ and research are not the end-all-be-all, that what I’ve grown to perceive as ‘truth’ is not always as it seems, and - when in doubt - to always dig deeper, ask questions, and be willing to be wrong. 

I’ve learned that there is such thing as healthy conflict and that, to carry out a conversation that holds space for another individuals’ opposing opinion takes a great deal of humility and an affinity for learning & growth that outweighs a need to be right.

I’ve become ever more aware of a concept that has sometimes haunted me and other times humbled me – the knowing that time is finite, that today is a gift, and none of us are guaranteed a tomorrow. In doing so, I’ve also developed a heightened sense of appreciation for those individuals who are willing to share their precious time with me – to engage in quality conversation, to be truly present, and to be fully immersed in one another’s company. It is these people I have developed a great affinity for – these genuine souls that share their gift of time with me are those I will never take for granted.  

I’ve learned that some seasons of life are meant to be fruitful, exhilarating and joy-filled, while others bring an abundance of challenges and the emotional roller-coaster that follows in their wake. Some seasons are monumental and filled with growth, while others make you feel like you’re a turtle fighting against a tidal wave of peanut butter. Each are beautiful in their own way – you just have to keep swimming. 

2020 has been a truly transformation year – a year of surrendering, a year of healing, a year of enlightenment, a year of awakening – emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually…

I’ve recognized the many areas in which I still have yet to improve, those I have come leaps and bounds from where I was, and that the journey of self-discovery, growth and evolution has no foreseeable end, nor do I ever hope it will. 

I stand here a different woman than the one I was a year ago today, and I am proud. I am proud of who I have been, who I am, and all I have yet to be. 



I hope today you can take some time to reflect on past versions of yourself. I hope you can forgive the ones that elicit any form of shame or regret and use them as motivation to propel you forward. I hope you can commend the versions of you that stood strong, forged ahead, and carried many a lesson forth with you as you’ve navigated the storms that 2020 tried to batter you with. 

I hope 2020 encouraged you to redefine ‘happiness’, ‘needs’ & ‘wants’, and that you’ve adopted a new appreciation for things you may have previously taken for granted or drawn a blind eye to.

I hope you can look back on the darkness that 2020 shrouded the world with and find the light it illuminated for you in some way – even if it was dim. 

I hope 2021 is a year of less chaos and more peace. 

Though I hope the uncertainty and unprecedented times 2020 pummeled us with are few and far between in 2021, I hope this new year is not void of challenges and brings about a new set of initiators of growth. 

I hope 2020 instilled in you a new appreciation for life, for time, and for being present. 

I hope 2021 allows you to leave fear behind and step into newfound resilience.

I hope 2020 realigned you with your truths, your passions and your purpose, and that 2021 continues to affirm these for you.

I hope 2020 was the year that opened your eyes, your mind and your heart in more ways than one.

I hope 2021 is YOUR year – OUR YEAR – in every way possible. 

2020 became the year the world put their masks on and I took mine off. 2020 became the year I came home to me – the year I discovered what I had known deep down all along:

I am Resilient. I am Authentic. I am Worthy. I am Enough.

I am here to create change

I am here to make an impact

I am here to be the little soul that makes a BIG difference




What did 2020 do for you…?

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As always, thank you for joining me.

With Love & Grace,

From my Big Little Soul to Yours